My Thoughts on Artistic Identity & Authenticity
Reminiscing back to my early 20s, I found my current self feeling sad in a way for how narrow my view was regarding what was good art, worthwhile art & meaningful art. The music I listened to, the conversations I had & the photos I took were all wrapped into a brand-like persona instead of just allowing myself the freedom to have the juxtaposing dualities that make us real & loveable.
I was the typical trying-to-find-myself young person, but I was held back by trying to live a curated life.
At the bottom of it all, I was denying myself the opportunity to experience the freedom of authenticity. I kept doing this & somehow became interested in graphic design. I knew it wouldn’t be a passion but I knew it was something I could do successfully. After I graduated & started freelancing I created “Teeksillustration”. I tried to apply the same formula to that business that I did in my life, I tried giving people what I thought they wanted & tried to fill a need that didn’t exist. I created a line of greeting cards with little illustrations & puns. I’ve seen people on Etsy knock this kind of content out of the park, but I didn’t because my heart truly wasn’t in it. I was trying too hard, it was forced & it showed. I didn’t stop drawing, but I did give up on my first little business, which was for the best.
When I look at my old work I feel no emotion. I just see my younger self trying to survive capitalism by selling out.
Calling myself a past sellout ( in all caps even!) feels vulnerable, but it’s also honest. I forgive my past self for doing what she thought she needed to do to survive. When I started my illustration business the second time around I tried a different approach.
I had a deep desire to create for myself & not content that I thought people wanted to see from me. It goes beyond just trying to create meaningful work.
Even though I love the symbolism & intent behind a lot of my art, some of the art I create now is just because I enjoy it. I would be dishonest with myself if I said I didn’t care about sharing my art with an audience though! Part of enjoying creating now is knowing that other people connect to what I make. It’s an honor to provide that while going through what is such a bizarre time to be alive for us all. I want to close with saying that it’s so natural as an artist to try to force an artistic direction, for our own personal reasons or to cater to what we think people want to see. In all honesty, if your heart is not in what you’re doing, many times that will show, but if you’re in love with your work & are showing up & growing that often shows too.
